


What Lights the Dark

by literarytonguetied



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Domestic Fluff, M/M, Marriage Proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2021-01-13 07:17:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21240290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literarytonguetied/pseuds/literarytonguetied
Summary: "That makes us a good match," Ryuji smiles, kisses a trail through Akira's hair."It does, it'll look good when we're standing side by side at the altar."





	What Lights the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> This was my contribution to the P5 Wedding Zine digital extras! I am very late in posting everything but who would I be if I didn't take a billion years to update something.

They've long since surpassed the time they ought to have turned on a lamp. Night falls thick in their home and presses darkness in through the windows, only abated by the gentle, blue light from the TV. The volume is turned down too low for them to hear the reality show, but they make their own fun in providing the voices, pitching up in ludicrous falsetto for the women and dropping their voices to rumbling lows for the men.

Akira is sprawled across the couch, using Ryuji's chest as a pillow, barely paying attention to the actions on screen in favor of focusing on Ryuji's bubbling laughter. It rocks him a little bit and the gentle thud of his heartbeat further drowns out what little sound he can hear from the TV, but it's peaceful. He picks at the hem of Ryuji’s shirt idly.

Ryuji's voice vibrates in his chest when he speaks for the characters on the screen, moves through him to rest in Akira's bones, solidly reassuring.

A commercial comes on for some jewelry store and Akira is too focused on the different cuts of gemstones. His hand stills, holding Ryuji’s shirt, but he doesn't say anything, content to let the not-silence fill the room, not wanting to disturb the gentle motions of Ryuji's hand in his hair.

"You know," Ryuji says near the end of the ad, "I don't think I could really deal with a ring that had a huge stone on it, you know? I'd be too worried to knock it on something. Too flashy, anyway."

"You wore four different patterns on four different clothing items today and you're worried about flashy?" Akira tips his head up and Ryuji averts his eyes with a pout.

"C'mon man, that's different! Rings like that ain't about fashion-"

"And your camo coat, striped shirt, polk-a-dot belt and houndstooth pants were about fashion?"

Ryuji pouts at him in earnest, meeting his gaze and then ducking out of Akira's view to place a small kiss at his crown. "Hey, I thought it looked good," he mumbles into Akira's hair.

Akira chuckles, "I thought you looked good, too." He twists around to lay on Ryuji instead and sets his chin on Ryuji's chest.

Blush sits well on Ryuji, Akira thinks, just at the high end of his cheekbones before filtering into the tips of his ears. Even though Ryuji can't quite meet his gaze or quell the smile that pulls at one side of his mouth.

"Yeah, okay, so maybe I don't know about fashion as much as Ann does, but the point is a ring with a rock like that ain't for fashion, it's for people to walk around with their hand out in front of them to show off how rich they are and how much better they think they are compared to the common people!" Ryuji huffs, crossing his arms over the bend in Akira's back.

"How counterculture of you to go against late stage capitalism in the jewelry industry, babe," Akira laughs, turning to rest his cheek on Ryuji's chest and look up at him through his eyelashes.

"Your voice sounds sarcastic but I've heard you say those exact words seriously before, so I'll take it. Besides! You shouldn't have to show your love with something so big and unnecessary, a simple band is all it takes and it says everything it needs to!"

"You sound like you've put some thought into this." Akira says, shifting his gaze to the TV. There's a new show on, something with more slapstick comedy and ridiculous tasks.

Ryuji is tense under him, frozen, with carefully placed limbs to hide the tension. He shifts slightly under Akira in a small readjustment that makes it easier for Akira to hear Ryuji's pounding heart.

Comedy sound effects bounce from the show as they’re layered over jaunty background music. There's something heavy in the room, though it does not drive them apart, rather feels like it forces them closer, pressure not unwanted.

"I have, a little," Ryuji finally admits, almost as quiet as the TV but he could never manage to get his volume that low. "Because why wouldn't I? I love you and it's just..." he trails off, unable to find the words.

It's just a lot of things, Akira thinks. A next step, a commitment, a promise. A danger and a respite. "Yeah," Akira answers.

He's thought about it, too. Extensively. Poured time and energy into finding what would make their wedding perfect and happy. What would be the ideal combination of things to match the brilliance of Ryuji's sunshine smile, from if they should wear pristine matching suits to what flavor of cake they would both be able to agree on.

He's thought about how he would let Ryuji choose the cake even if they didn't agree on it. Because Ryuji is the one with the sweet tooth and Akira can just imagine the face he would make after that first bite, happy and glowing with frosting on his nose and his grin spread wide as his husband. 

He's thought about their wedding colors and what complementary table pieces they would have at the reception and the types of flowers they should have as boutonnieres on their lapels. He's thought about venues, shrines if they do a traditional wedding and churches if they do a different kind of traditional, ocean side hotels and ballrooms and cottages. A destination wedding or one in Haru's garden.

He's thought about their matching rings, and how he figured Ryuji would prefer a simple band to something more faceted. He's thought about waking up to his husband with the same full feeling in his chest that he has when he wakes up next to his boyfriend.

He's thought about the whole rest of his life with Ryuji, and the happiness they would share, grown on the happiness they share now.

Akira looks up at Ryuji, feels his heartbeat slow beneath his chin. “Do you know where I want to kiss you?” He asks, and Ryuji’s eyes go a little coy.

Ryuji pretends to mull it over, doesn’t even try to hide his smile, “Uhh, my lips?” He asks like he already knows he got the right answer.

“No,” Akira says, and Ryuj furrows his eyebrows.

“Uhh, my cheek?” He tries again with more uncertainty. He shifts a little under Akira trying to figure out his game.

Akira gives a small shake of his head in reply.

Ryuji’s show at trying to guess becomes less of a show. He shakes his leg briefly before stopping when he sees it shake the entirety of Akira. He traces indeterminate shapes in the small of Akira’s back as he thinks.

“Where?” He asks finally.

Akira moves more up the couch, so they sit nose to nose and chest to chest. “In church,” he starts and Ryuji’s surprise is tangible. “In front of our families when we both say ‘I do.’”

The words are sweet, something soft to fill in the scant space between them, sucking the air from Ryuji’s lungs to leave him breathless.

“I’ve thought about it, too,” Akira says and it feels like a confession. “I’ve thought about our future together, so much that I can’t imagine a future without you in it.”

Ryuji moves his hands from Akira’s back to cup his jaw and tangle in the hair around his ears and it feels like a blessing. “Akira, I don’t want a future without you in it.”

They're both a little cross-eyed looking at each other; Ryuji's grin is sweet and crooked and Akira can't stop from kissing it.

"What would you want it to look like? Our future." Akira asks, laying back down on Ryuji's chest. It's an easy movement and Ryuji wraps his arms around him again like they belong there.

Ryuji rests his chin on Akira's head and hums in thought. "Kinda what we got goin' now, I guess. Why would I wanna have a bunch of different stuff when everything now is perfect?" He clears his throat and Akira can tell he's embarrassed.

"That's a pretty big compliment," Akira says, hiding his smile.

"Truth is truth," it's hard for Ryuji to shrug, and when he tries it smooshes Akira's cheek in a weird way and he gets drool on Ryuji's shirt. Akira lifts himself to wipe off his cheek and Ryuji grins through an exclamation of, "Aw, gross!"

"Is that perfect?" Akira laughs and returns to is spot against Ryuji’s shoulder, carefully avoiding the spit stain.

Ryuji huffs, "Of course, because it's you. It's gross, but I'd still call this perfect. Just like waking up next to you and eating meals with you and greeting you when I get home at the end of the day."

Akira swallows, lets Ryuji's words fill the room and resonate within him. They sit achingly sweet against his rib cage, flare out to make the tips of his fingers tingle. Ryuji returns to tracing small shapes on Akira's back.

"Loving you is easy," Ryuji continues after a moment, "I don't gotta worry about doing super showy stuff or, like, having to impress you? I can just be me and I don't gotta worry about you judgin' me for it or thinkin' I'm dumb. We can do stupid shit together and just have fun and that's all there is to it, no one-upping or feeling like we can't talk it out or- or anything!

“I am always so happy to come home to you because I know that even if it was a super shit day, you're gonna be there for me and that'll make it okay. And I know that even if you don't talk about it, I can be there for you, too. And I just-" Ryuji takes a breath, "-I never want to lose that? I never want to lose what we have, or try to find nonexistent bullshit to make it better because that's what people tell us we have to do because that's 'what a relationship is.' I don't buy it.

“We have our own problems but it's never shit we can't figure out together. We're not here to fix each other because there's nothing to fix. I love you for you and how happy you make me and I really hope I can do the same because if our entire future was just us glued to this couch watching shitty TV then fuckin' great! You're here and I love you and that's all I need."

"Those sound like vows," Akira says.

Ryuji sputters a little, "Well you made the proposal so maybe they are."

The reality shows have switched to late night shopping network, but the sound effects are the same. The sound of Ryuji's heartbeat fills Akira, lets him breathe deep and slow. The shapes Ryuji traces feels more like the characters for, 'I do,' than thoughtless looping circles.

"I used to think about changing the future all the time. Changing hearts and changing fate and changing all the unfairness in the world." Akira speaks softly and picks at a lint ball on the side of Ryuji's shirt. "It was always something that had to be better than now, because there was always something wrong. I never thought it seemed fair that we had to keep running for something that was always out of reach, and when things seemed to finally settle into a place they belonged, something else would come along and throw it all to shit. I thought that we, us being together, were going to be like that, too."

Ryuji stills.

"I don't really think that anymore. I guess there's always a fear of something... happening. But I don't expect it, I can look forward to waking up to you in the morning and greeting you when you come home and eating ramen 3 times a week.

“I stopped looking to the future as something to be worried about because it became something to be excited about. You helped me see that there's more than fearing what comes next, and now all I can think about is how I want you to be there with me for every shitty thing that pops up because I know I can fight for what we have with you by my side. And I know that I can look over and see you smile and know that things will be okay in spite of it all. I can breathe easy around you. I'm not anyone but myself with you. I don't have to pretend I know what I'm doing or pretend to fit some expectation someone has of me. I love you and that's all that matters."

Ryuji sniffles above him and when Akira looks up, Ryuji hides his face in his shoulder to wipe off tears.

"When you put it like that, it's hard to worry about not being enough, or that I wouldn't be able to give you what you give me." The words are small, but there's a barb that lodges in Akira's throat and he tries to swallow the feeling. He lifts himself to look at Ryuji straight on.

"Was- was that something you're worried about?"

"No! Well, yes, but not really? Not in a real way, just that way that I want to be the best for you because you have always been more than the best for me and not that you don't make me feel valued or nothin' it’s just I want to always be my best and-"

"Sakamoto Ryuji, I have always loved you."

Ryuji snaps his jaw shut with a click.

"I have always loved you, when we met in the rain, when you cried at the ramen shop, you were always there and I don't know how you could ever not be enough because you're larger than life. You're bright and you chase away all the dark shit that exists and you sit there and smile and I don't give a fuck about anything else that's going on because you're right there and you're my whole world and I want to marry you. I want Ryuji, my husband and I want our future together."

There's a look on Ryuji's face, like he's going to start crying again but the expression is warring with the tears Akira cups his face and can't help but smile.

"I want to marry you and share with you all these dreams and this future that I can see with us together and I want to pick out wedding colors and a cake flavor and the flowers we'll wear on our wedding tux lapels or maybe our yukata because I know my family doesn't care but your mom likes the traditional stuff. And I want to work all of that out with you. 

“I want us to work out problems with the seating arrangements and I want us to make sure all of our friends and family can see us and our happiness and our love as we tell each other in front of everyone to witness. 

“I want to sign the family paperwork and combine our houses and combine our names and our family trees and I want to know that you'll be by my side forever because now that you're here I don't know if I could ever go it alone again. I don't know if I could ever wake up in an empty bed because I know exactly how warm you get at night and that you snore a little bit and that you're afraid of flying bugs but you never want to kill them so you try to capture them and let them out even though it terrifies you. Do you know how much I've thought about this? About what we have? About what I would never give up?"

Ryuji laughs, blubbers, grabs Akira around the shoulders and holds him tight. "I love you, I love you and I want to marry you and I want to call you husband and I want all of those things, too, but I'm no good with words and you stole all the best ones, anyway." He wipes his face with his shirt sleeve then kisses Akira soundly.

"Now we both got gross stuff on your shirt," Akira laughs and pushes Ryuji's hair back.

"Hey, c'mon man you know that stuff gets to me!" Ryuji sniffles again and his eyes are glassy.

Akira laughs, "Yeah, been that way since we met and you cried over my sad anime protagonist backstory."

"Hey, you had been through a lot! How was I not supposed to get misty eyed over all that bullshit? Real men empathize,” Ryuji huffs.

"Yeah, real men also stick with you even when stuff gets weird and hard and fight shadows alongside you to right the injustices of the world." He pecks Ryuji’s cheekbone then rests his head in the crook of Ryuji’s neck.

"Damn, I really got it going on, huh?" Ryuji’s ego is a joke and Akira can feel the soft laughter against the bridge of his nose.

"I would say so,” he answers quietly. 

"That makes us a good match," Ryuji smiles, kisses a trail through Akira's hair.

"It does, it'll look good when we're standing side by side at the altar."

The effect is instantaneous. Flush fills Ryuji's face, from the roots of his hair down the lines of his neck. "Yeah, I think that would be a good look."

It's hard to keep from smiling, hard to hold back the butterflies that flutter up his throat. Ryuji holds him so close and so tight and they sit together and face their future with happiness. It makes the night feel warm, rosy, let's their bones settle together in the embrace and fills the not-silence with something sweeter than the mindless babble of the television and the ads that try to sell them things that will change their lives.

They give voices to the people, reedy falsettos for the women and rumbling baritones for the men and they laugh and know that this is what they can look forward to. That the happiness that envelopes them is not transient, not cursory. There is no waiting for an end.

The characters are more distinct at the small of Akira's back. I do, I do, I do, I love you, I love you, I love you, over and over again until it feels like a tattooed brand, burning that fills him with giddiness that wells in his chest and pops out of his mouth in laughter they share.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, come hang out with me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/snarky_broad)!


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